True Confessions of a Machine Shop Widow

by Donna N. Sparber

We’ve all heard of “golf widows” and “football widows” – women who are “widowed” as their spouses head for the golf course on Saturdays or to the sports bar on Sunday afternoons to watch their favorite National Football League team. But few people know about another kind of widow: The Machine Shop Widow, or MSW for short.

Although there is no official census of MSWs, one can hazard an educated guess by looking at the circulation figures for The Home Shop Machinist and Machinist’s Workshop. At the end of 2006, the two magazines had a total paid subscription base of around 31,000 (according to the numbers published in the 2006 year-end issue of each). We can now put a ceiling on the number of MSWs at 31,000 – a truly significant number.

I am one of these MSWs. As I sat down to write my story, I considered whether or not to remain anonymous, but for credibility’s sake, I am revealing that I am the spouse of R. G. Sparber, who has authored several articles for both The Home Shop Machinist and Machinist’s Workshop. Perhaps I can give hope to the thousands of MSWs out there who, like me, wonder how on Earth their spouses got involved in this weighty hobby!

Here are five True Confessions of one who must live with a machine shop hobbyist.

  1. The MSW finds tiny, sharp curlicues of metal (called swarf) all over the house. She wears footwear with impervious soles at all times.
  2. She hoards dry cleaning bags for use as protective drop cloths over valuables stored near the shop, lest they become coated with fine, oily grit.
  3. Wives sometimes locate their spouses by homing in on familiar sounds, such as snoring. The MSW homes in on the familiar SCREE–EEE emitted when metal cuts metal.
  4. The MSW protects her laundry by checking her spouse’s shirt pockets for nuts, bolts, and swarf before she drops the shirt in the washing machine.
  5. Sometimes there’s a bit of clutter in the shop area. For the greater good, she turns her head and looks the other way.

Now here are some positives for the MSW to focus on.

She’s expanded her vocabulary. Swarf, cut–off, one ten thousandths…the list goes on.

The MSW learns about things that few golf widows or football widows can claim to know. She knows all about mill–drills and 12” lathes. She knows the location of every junkyard within a 50-mile radius. She knows that if the small box delivered to the front porch is labeled “Oil Bonded Foundry Sand” and “HEAVY,” she should NOT try to pick it up. And she knows how one little piece of grit under the mill–drill table can screw up a cut by as much as five thousandths.

Her spouse stays mentally sharp as he hones his problem-solving skills on challenges such as fitting a 600–square–foot machine shop into 200 square feet.

Sometimes the hobbyist–spouse can apply his hobby for his beloved MSWs benefit. For instance, I am the proud owner of a teeny little steam engine and a lovely turned–brass candle pedestal. The MSW can point out things that need solving around the house, and her spouse can fabricate some pretty clever solutions to them.

Moving shop equipment can be entertaining. Try moving a 500–pound mill–drill through the kitchen and down the basement stairs. The hobbyist may ask his beloved MSW for help, so she gets to share in the suspense. Imagine the adrenaline rush when a 500–lb. object ratchets a little too rapidly down the basement stairs (see R. G. Sparber’s article in the March/April 2004 issue of The Home Shop Machinist). This bit of excitement, not mentioned in the article, occurred while the newly acquired mill–drill was being moved into the basement. Quoting from the article, “I’m now 10 years older and maybe a little wiser.”

Her spouse is happily occupied at one of his favorite pastimes. He seems so cheery. Thus, he’s more likely to agree to dinner out when he hits a snag in his work, such as running out of cut–offs. So take heart, MSWs. There are plenty of positives here! You can delight in the fact that your spouse is a happy camper when he is occupied in his shop. You get to learn new things and have new experiences. Look at the bright side: Despite of the swarf, the sounds, and the shrinking floor space, it’s all for the benefit of both of you.